This post was originally written in Aguust 2011, after our third miscarriage. For an explanation of this section of the site, click here.
I had a sad day today. I guess there are just some like that. I haven’t had one in a while … like for a couple of weeks. Which is pretty good, considering.
A man at church shared a testimony this morning. He said something about how we can take medication when we are suffering, to ease the pain, yet suffering is one avenue of growing closer to God. I had a couple of thoughts: 1) Thank God there is medication for depression and anxiety. How did women handle this hormonal crap 50 or 100 years ago, or ever? This baffles me. I would be in a looney bin. 2) Jesus never had medicine to take away his pain. He hung on the cross, feeling every agonizing breath, the lash marks still raw and open on His back. He suffered it all. He suffered for sin. He suffered for me. Have you trusted in Him, too?
Then I had to leave church. I just couldn’t hold back my tears anymore; the morning had already been difficult, and I almost stayed home anyway. I came home and found my old journal from 2008 and read about the last miscarriage we had. I think I wanted to remember God’s faithfulness. I said to my husband today, “I know I have grown closer to God, but I feel like I understand Him less.”
A card from Larissa and Ian in 2008 said they were praying we would be “protected from approaching the ‘whys’ with God.” This, incidentally, is an excellent thing to pray for people in trials and tragedies.
One day, He will wipe away every tear. There will be no more sorrow. There will be rest for our souls. My Father loves me. He is holding me tight through this trial. This I know, that God is for me. May you find His comfort today, whatever your lot and place.